Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Once Upon A Pair of Patriotic Panties

"Howdy do Uncle Sam..."

The morning of my rape it was about 3am. I had set my alarm to wake up and had gone to bed wearing what I was going out in. For some reason I decided it was a good idea to go with a patriotic theme. I hate patriotic colors. I never had worn this before. The undies I had picked out were my least favorite. They had this itchy tulle stuff wrapped around my hips with giant glittery blue sequins. I had gotten a matching red pair when my mom picked them out and put them on my bed as a present. I remember getting really excited about having new undies but not these. These were hideous. When I wore them to school, they would leave their glittery sequins behind in the bathroom. Sometimes I'd walk down the hall and see some on the ground. I swore I'd never wear these monstrosities again. Tonight was different. I had some idiotic notion to put this blue pair on. I chose a white bra to. That one was my favorite. It fit my newly grown in B cup boobies. The straps were nice and didn't pinch my skin. All of the other bras I had were too tight and made those itchy red clothes lines on me. When I went to fake going to bed I had put on a night shirt. I mostly wore this shirt for PE. It had a V neck I hated. I liked my shirts to be normal shirt shaped and my mom had gotten me a V neck for school PE class. It was cozy to wear it to bed. When my alarm woke me up I grabbed a pair of pants from the dirty hamper pile. They were something I had worn earlier in the week and didn't smell funny from bad laundry. I sprayed perfume on them just to be sure. I had gotten love spell as a present for Christmas one year. I dug the purple bottle out of my dresser mess drawer and spritzed it on the pants. I shook the pants out to air them. My mom always said, perfume makes people nauseous if you bathe in it. In my closet I had about 20 pairs of shoes. I liked collecting them. I didn't wear them all. Tonight I especially didn't want to risk getting any of my favorites dirty. It had been raining and probably was messy outside. I put on the shoes I wear to get dirty. They were slip on sketchers. To stick with my color scheme, they seemed good because they were white. My shoes had glitter on them. My mom disliked me wearing them in the house because they left little glitter presents all over the carpet and especially the edge of the couch. I liked putting my feet up while I watched TV after school. I stared in the mirror in my room. It was hanging right where my closet wall was going to be. We had put up curtains in the basement to wall off a makeshift room for me because I was becoming a woman. I loved having my own room. I didn't have to step on my sisters exploding toy messes anymore. My hair was a mess. I looked all ragged and sleepy. I wished I was able to wear makeup. I was never invited to any slumber party thing where everyone learns how to put on lip gloss and stuff. I brushed my hair flat as I could. I never let my hair down. It was too hot on my neck and got in my face all of the time. My hair was heavy and there was a lot of it. It grew all the way down my back. I had to keep it in a pony tail or sticks and leaves got in it when I played outside. When I looked in the mirror once more I thought I looked ridiculous with big feet and fat legs. I played softball so my thighs were humungous. I knew it was going to be chilly outside so I dug back through my clothes bin to find a sweat shirt. I had a red one I wore all of the time for school. Everyone at school knew it was my sweat shirt to because I had forgotten it at recess before and people took it to me. It had my initials written in sharpie on the tag.

I left the house through a door in the basement. We never used this door because there was junk for camping behind it and spiders lived in there. It seemed like a good plan to get out. The air was shockingly cold and for a minute I stood there to shiver and think about going back to bed. I left anyways. There was a flashlight there next to the wooden crates of snow chains and ropes. The flashlight had been mine for camping. I used it to go to the bathroom by myself in the middle of the night. This felt like that so I brought it with me. It wouldn't turn on and that was super frustrating because it was dark out there in the woods. I could hear our creek below the hill. It was rushing louder than usual but that was the only sound. My heart was in my throat and when the flashlight turned on my path was cleared. We had a long driveway with one of those motion lights that go off for security. I walked past it but it didn't turn on. When I had got to the bottom of the driveway I looked both ways for cars. There was none. My house looked funny at night. I had never seen the house at night like it was then, empty looking.

The road had gravel on it that crunched when I walked. I past the neighbors house where our babysitter lived. They had big black Rottweiler dogs. They didn't bark or come out when I went by. They usually tear out from behind the house and choke on their leads at the edge of the yard. My stomach was sick feeling because no one was around. Their houses were dark. I was completely alone. The air was so cold my nose ran a little and I was afraid to sniff it up in the silence. I pulled the red hood up on my sweat shirt but it was only an air trap for the wind that was coming at me. My hair was cold against my face.

I got to the place where high school catches the bus. For me the bus always came down the street to pick me up at the driveway. The sign for my street was on a tall pole at the end of the road. When we rode our bikes up and down the cul de sac we weren't allowed to go past the fire hydrant marker. It was dark blue in the middle of the road. I stared at it for a long time wondering how they put it in the road.

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