Tuesday, May 8, 2012

How to trick your husband into thinking you aren't a slob

 I haven't taken a shower or done laundry for 2 weeks but this apron says I'm fabulous!

When my husby and I were engaged, we did premarital counseling. It involved all things about how to blend your lives together forever and the only way out of marriage is to die of natural causes or kill yourself. There is no other way out. Part of the book series we went through discussed the wife's role and skills to help keep the husband and marriage happy. The early months of marriage were blissful and full of whimsy. Dressing up in a sexy ensemble to serve a delicious home cooked meal or doing weekend chores in my pinup heals and unmentionables lead to a happy husband indefinitely. Who wouldn't want to see their new sexy wifey prancing around dusting and bending over wearing little frilly thingies?

Now though, that our marriage is becoming slightly seasoned, things have changed slightly. I work a couple days a week at a dental office and the rest of the time I work on artwork or how to perfect laziness. 

What I never anticipated was that wearing his sweats and old college t-shirts around the house made him annoyed and less attracted to me. He would say things like "gee what have you done all day lazy bones" and even if I knew I cleaned up and down the entire house, it didn't matter. I was still a major slob-o-saurus.

My routine quickly changed when I noticed the compliments adding up. When I'd get out of bed in the morning  the only things left in my dresser had been some fancy lingerie nighties. Throw one of those on and it's like a one step cover up process. Head to the bathroom and throw my hair up in a bandana and I look like a fucking sexy ass Rosie Riveter clean all do all machine.

"Hi sweetie, I made you a  sandwich for lunch"....Doesn't even care it's a piece of floppy cheese on white bread. It's 3 pm and he has no idea I haven't even had a shower yet.

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