Lonely Bumble Bee

This house was old and had a toilet in the front yard. My ex boyfriend was to drop me off. One of my friends was supposed to be meeting me here. He promised he would take care of me at the party. "He will be here soon, you can go home" I pleaded with my ex to not come inside with me. He refused to allow me to go to a party where I knew no one dressed the way I was. It was Halloween and I had bought the costume weeks before not knowing where or when I'd even wear it. The picture on the package showed a tall girl in stripper heals. It seemed like the dress part would go down to my lower thigh but in reality it was much too short. Bright yellow and black stripes circled around my body. I had bouncing glittery wings that left little glitter presents wherever they touched. My ensemble was complete with a black stinger and headband with wire yellow antennas. "Fine, you can come in until my friend gets here" I compromised.

Bass from the stereo thumbed in my chest and head. I couldn't hear anyone talking to me. I vaguely introduced myself to people around the dank kitchen. Drinks were being mixed up and served out in glowing cups. A vampire offered me one. I took it to the living room where people were lounging around and smoking. We started playing truth or dare.

I downed an entire cup full of cola and liquor, stood up, and did a curtsy. Everyone cheered and thought that was incredible. Laughter filled the living room and more people came to see what was happening. Others joined in the game. Still no sign of my friend.

My fingers were drunk and I couldn't keep a hold of my phone to text my friend. My head was spinning. I yelled at my ex to figure it out for me. The responding text message said that my friend was not going to be coming to this party. Nobody there was familiar to me safe from my ex. We had been together for about a year. He told me he would be stupid to let me break up with him so he promised to be my friend until I changed my mind back. He was sober. Word got around that I was chugging hard alcohol like a pro. More people poured into the living room with drinks and bets to see who could drink faster. There were many people I out drank. Problem was, the more I won the drunker and more disoriented I became.

"We should leave" My ex yelled towards my ear. "Why?! It's just starting to get fun!" I hollered back in his face.

My foot slipped in the wet grass by his car. He had to help me in and buckle my seat belt. We started driving. Lights and cars flew past my window in a blur. I felt like we were traveling at hyper speed towards death. I kept screaming to slow down we are going to fast. My stomach filled and throbbed. My mouth started to prepare for the inevitable. Hot fizzy vomit rushed forward and out my nose. I tried to hold it back and put my hands up over my face. We pulled over at a gas station. He marched me in the front door past security cameras and to the back restroom. "Wash your face and hands, go pee and come back out."

The bathroom floor had a crazy design on it that messed with my head. The pattern danced wildly below my feet. I vomited again on the toilet. The sink only had ice cold water. I loaded up on soap and washed vigorously making squealing sounds as my skin froze.

When I marched back out to the front my ex was laughing with the guy standing at the counter. I heard them say that I was drunk and going home.

Darkness started creeping into my head in the car. The engine was loud. My body felt limp and helpless. Double racing seat belts held me tight but I felt like I'd be thrown from the car. "I think I'm passing out, don't let me die" I started crying.

Bright light poured over my face when the car finally stopped. I looked around for a moment but couldn't recognize where we were. My head was pounding and my eyes burned. A blurry figure came at me from the passenger window. My ex opened the door and un-belted me. I just stared vaguely up at him without saying a word. The trees were blurry green waving in the background. I could smell his cologne when his shirt was pressed to my face. My body was weightless in his arms and then darkness overcame me. I was falling and spinning away into the abyss. "Look what I found" I heard as we went over the threshold. Darkness again.

Virgin Boozing and Pee Shame.

The party was going to go down in a few hours. I was living in the basement of my parent's house. My mom didn't care I wanted to go out as long as I let her know where I was going. Of course I lied, "Mom I'm going to a friends house to spend the night and watch movies". I knew I was heading out to a night of uncertainty and excitement. No one had ever asked me to a party before. I was to be picked up by a guy I never met. He had seen a photo of me at the house the party would be at. My friend and I had taken those stupid photo booth pictures at the roller skate park the year before. She liked to hang them in her room. I suppose he thought I was cute because he offered to pick me up.

The truck was loud when it pulled into the drive. I had on torn up jeans and a yellow tank top. Before I left the house, I checked my boobs to make sure they were touching in the front and put on a super sparkling necklace of a gun.

The front door of the house was tall, thick oak and glossy with a large vintage handle. As soon as I opened it I realized how cold the summer night had become. "Mom, Dad! I'm leaving!" They were watching the news. When I ran down the driveway I did a little spirit finger wave at the guy in the truck. He leaned over and popped the handle for me. The car had torn fabric seats and smelled musty. I climbed up awkwardly with a smile trying to scoop the assorted receipts and wrappers onto the floor as I sat down next to him. We made small talk. I mostly just told him how to get back to the main road from our house in the woods. My shivers were hard to stifle. I've always been a loud chatterer. He turned on the heater knowingly and smiled at me. The air warmed with a smell of old fries and stale car freshener.

Once we arrived at the house party, I jumped down from the truck and walked briskly to the door. I'd been to the house before several times but I decided to knock anyways. No one answered the knocking. The guy from the truck came from behind. He reached around me to open the way to the dark thumping revelry. My eyes stung immediately. I coughed a few times. The smell of cigarettes and incense filled my lungs. There were glowing posters all around. There weren't any introductions.

I moved through the house alert and nervous clinging to the idea that I might find my friend. She was sitting on the lap of her boyfriend of 3 years. Everyone knew they were fucking each other. They regularly would leave social events to go do it in random places. One summer I was over, we tried to look like we could play basketball outside. We had more fun leaning on the extra cars in the street and bobbing our head to the bass. They did it in the car we were leaning on. He liked to pressure her to do it in public. I could tell she liked the attention. The guys would cheer them on but I doubt they could hear with the deafening stereo.

She squealed and jumped off his lap when I came through the beaded door frame. We hugged. She told me to sit by her and her man. The chair was old and one of the legs was rickety. On the table in front of us was a giant bubbling vase. Smoke spiraled from nearby nostrils. Black light poured over us illuminating the stained carpet and neon nail polished fingers. Everyone was staring at me waiting for me to make a move. I felt like Alice in Wonderland. My anxiety was up; I didn't want to be thought of as a weed. "Here sip on this". My friend handed me a cold lemonade mixture. She knew I had never drank before. Ice cold stinging liquid rushed in my mouth. I choked and laughed handing the glass back to her. The guy from the truck asked me if I'd ever drank before. I shrugged at him. He disapeared through the beaded doorway. Upon reappearing he had two glasses full. He handed me the glass."Drink up Sweetheart we threw you the party". Everyone in the rabbit hole chanted at me "drink, Drink DRINK". With my eyes shut tight I sat up straight on my chair took a deep breath and downed the whole glass. My tank top caught the spill over and I wiped my face on my arm in victory.

The guy from the truck smelled like liquor and cologne next to me. The music pounded in my head. My hair was tangled and wrapped around my face. We were laying on floor together laughing and singing loudly. "Are you drunk?" I shouted at him "No!" with my eyes shut tight. "I have to pee". He helped me up from the floor. It felt as thought I stood still and the floor fell from below me. I stumbled head heavy to the door holding truck guy's hand for as long I could to maintain balance.

My skin was hot and clammy. I felt far away from the face in the mirror. Dizziness clouded my perception. There was a brush on the counter. I ran it through my hair in attempts to feel more beautiful. My shirt was stained and wrinkled from heavily chugging the elixir of popularity. When I turned around I noticed the toilet hadn't been cleaned in weeks possibly longer. I tried to hover pee and hold my panties away from the seat. There was a mirror on the back of the door to witness my calamity and wavering. I have never felt more shame with myself in the mirror.