I'm Writing a Book

Alright so I'm writing a book. I'm very nervous about it as it means I have to actually talk about how I feel about the things that I have gone through but there has been enough support from family and friends, I've decided to try. My therapist is always blown away with what I have to share and thinks I need to put it all down bind it up and see what happens. The little thing I've called trauma brain has been telling me not to share anything. "No one will care" , "If they care it will only to be angry at you", "Don't waste time and money on something that no one will want to read", "Who are you to try and preach you are such a sinner". We'll see what happens through prayer and meditation (and several hysterical baths I've taken). Somehow the courage is mustered up. I'm still selling paintings and will continue to update on the same pitiful schedule I already have been updating. Honestly, I am shocked that there has been 1,000 page views of this little online therapy diary. Maybe a book will empower more people. It will definitely have more literary structure and flow than a blog. No idea what I'm in for as I still have a full time job, husband, family, health, therapy, and sanity to maintain. Wish me luck!

How amazingly perfect to describe that time in our lives

Shadows settle on the place, that you left.
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness.
Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time.
From the perfect start to the finish line.

And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.
Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
The lovers that went wrong.

We are the reckless,
We are the wild youth
Chasing visions of our futures
One day we'll reveal the truth
That one will die before he gets there.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/d/daughter/youth.html ]
And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone.
We're setting fire to our insides for fun.
Collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home,
It was a flood that wrecked this...

... and you caused it...
... and you caused it...
... and you caused it...

Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silouhette,
A lifeless face that you'll soon forget,
My eyes ae damp from the words you left,
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them.
But I'm forever missing him.

And you caused it,
And you caused it,
And you caused it

Officilly have my own art shop!

I have been working on this for a long time. It has been stressful to put myself out there. Friends, family, and especially my husband has been pestering me to do something with my talents. Well, here it is! It's small to start but I'm going to vow to myself to make an extreme attempt to get my artwork out there.

 My first item for sale! SALE! So exciting. This is a painting I did today and what I opened my shop with. Ideally, I will have more prints of the larger things I've painted. There are several paintings I hold very dear to myself and will keep the originals of. However, I'm looking into finding some place to scan my work and print on nice paper.

I've been doodling

Heading out to war, My Battle Songs